Another Way to Deal with Anger

December 1, 2016

Open aggression is the second method in managing anger.  The previous post was about suppressing anger.  

 

Open aggression is expressing one self at someone elses' expense.  It can be seen as rage, sarcasm, criticism, venting, intimidation and blame.  Here are some signs that you may be an open aggressor.

 

1.  I can be blunt when someone does something to frustrate me.

2.  As I speak, my voice becomes increasingly louder.

3.  When someone confronts me about a problem, I am likely to offer a ready rebuttal.

4.  No one has to guess my opinion.

5.  When something goes wrong, I focus on fixing the problem and overlook feelings.

6.  I have a history of bickering with family members.

7.  I repeat myself during verbal disagreements.

8.  I find it hard to keep my thoughts to myself when someone else is wrong.

9.  I have a reputation for being strong willed.

10.  I tend to give advice even when others have not asked for it.  

 

Open aggression is strongly associated with living in an imperfect world.  The world would be so much better if it was this way or if it was that way.  Anger is omnipresent because people around us have blatant flaws, and it is frustrating dealing with them.  Here are some examples of situations that lead to open anger.

 

Parents invade their adult children’s lives.

Your partner does not text back right away even though you told him a hundred times that it upsets you.

Your colleague works inefficiently even after being advised that another way would be better.

A friend is always late to a get-together.

Friends flake out on big gatherings.  

You seem to be the only one who plans activities and no one else wants to shoulder the work.

 

Emotionally balanced people accept imperfections in partners, friends, and family.  Anger does not get triggered because they are not surprised when things happen even when they "should not,' and they choose to focus on the positives.

 

Another major reason for aggressive anger is the belief that you are being disrespected when your needs are not being met.  You believe that you are important and somehow their actions are evidence that they are being inconsiderate to you.  It hurts the ego and you end up feeling small and unseen. So you get louder or negative to regain a sense of emotional stability.  

 

This is not the way to create healthy, warm, loving, satisfying, and reliable relationships. This may also explain your mood swings and feelings of emptiness and loneliness.  

 

Stay tuned next month for the third method of managing anger.  

 

 

 

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Natalie A. Ma, PhD

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ma@drnataliema.com

1947 Divisadero Street, Suite 5, SF, CA 94115

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